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The Writings on the Stall

Wednesday, 2004-07-07

the best-laid plans of mice and men

A much delayed 21st Birthday wrapup from Guestblogger J.P.

The plan was simple —
Buy Jonathan a jacket at Brooklyn Industries
Watch De La Guarda at an old bank building
Eat Italian food at Trattoria
And show Jonathan a night out on the town

On Monday,
Gemma would have a luncheon in front of the Angel Statue at Central Park
We'd then visit the original Brooklyn Industries store
And finally, take Jonathan to the Brooklyn Lager Brewery

Didn't exactly work out that way
Plans WAAAY out the window

Sunday, June 27, 2004

1/2 price TKTS booth at South Street Seaport closed at 3:30 p.m. Gemma didn't get the gift
What gift?
J.P. had to meet Jonathan to buy his own tickets at TKTS in Times Square
Tickets to De La Guarda sold out
J.P. late to Union Square anyway

Looking for a particular Italian restaurant
Where is it?
Walked south
Ran into Will Smith in SoHo in all his "Wild, Wild West" grandeur
Only redeeming factor
Barolo - three course meals we couldn't afford
Salivating

Lost in SoHo

Sat down at café in Greenwich Village
J.P.'s friend came through with the D-Lo on Trattoria
Great meal - creamy Italian novelty party in our mouths
Think about that

Surprise ending
Gemma flicks a hair off her arm
Realizes it's not a hair, but a cockroach
A COCKROACH
Gemma screams
EEEK, ARK?
Jonathan and J.P. pull back
Not a sound
Not a creature was stirring at Trattoria
Except for a cockroach

Splat
Dead cockroach

Subway home

Gemma had a great idea
We would buy a pineapple, soak it in Malibu Coconut Rum, and eat it
Get pineapples
How do we cut it?
No knife
Didn't no how
Let's go to the grocery store
It's closed
Liquor store?
Closed
No Malibu
We're stuck with eight oranges

Monday, June 28, 2004

12:00 a.m. Jonathan turns 21

Time to go out on the town
Get Jonathan wasted
That was the plan
J.P. slept and forgot to turn on his alarm

1:00 a.m. Jonathan and J,P. leave for Manhattan

2:34 a.m. East Village, 14th St.

First bar, cool people smoking outside
Four people inside
Tall Filipino girl

2:40 a.m. Coyote Ugly, 9th St.
Maria mounts Jonathan on the bar
Meatheads hootin' and hollerin'

Jonathan reluctantly tells Gemma later
Gemma wants to punch Maria in the face
Knock that stupid little cow-hat off her head

Don't worry Gemma, J.P.'s lookin' out
I'll punch her in the right tit if she does anything
Burp Castle is closed
Can't "revere the beer"
McSorley's closed, too

On to Niagara
The last time J.P. was here he saw Johnny Knoxville
Jackass

Drunk punks are fighting
Midget Mexican serves spirits
Sticker on the microwave says, "Bush one term president"

Cozy Soup and Burger
Jonathan can't keep the avocado on burger
The sun had risen over the Manhattan skyline
J.P. still had to piss
Puddle in front of NYU apartments

The sun lights up the concrete jungle

6:34 a.m. Subway home, partially inebriated

Sleep

Union Square
We all met behind George Washington's horse's ass
Jonathan shat on by a bird

J.P. late again

Gemma couldn't find the Angel Fountain in Central Park

Go to Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Hipster Central

The Original Brooklyn Industries store had a large jacket
We need an extra large

On to a bar on Bedford
Two Brooklyn Lagers and a Vodka Sour
Jonathan opens his beloved laptop,
Amorously named Manzana Gordita
—What a coincidence, Brooklyn Lager is up on Wi-Fi—
J.P. and Gemma laugh
—Let's humor him—

We all walked into a revolutionary bookstore and saw strange books

Yabby's
Great steak fries
Pink sofas

DUMBO
District Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass

Rice didn't have calamari
Jonathan and J.P. were looking forward to calamari

Night has already fallen
Brooklyn Bridge State Park
To the left, Brooklyn Bridge
Downtown Manhattan shrouded in light
To the right, Manhattan Bridge

Subway
Home Sweet Home
Greek Land
Astoria, NY
28-19, 42nd St.
Apt. A4

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