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The Writings on the Stall

Wednesday, 2004-07-21

cheap movies

Guestblogger J.P.

Characters - J.P. Jonathan and Gemma

On balmy summer Tuesday night in New York
In search of Pizza and Ice Cream as always
99 cent nights
Ice Cream

Cold Stone Creamery is an anomaly
Drop a tip and the employees sing cheesy jingles
We've reached our cheese limit

42nd St.
Eat ice cream on theater steps
See smokers breathe the fresh aroma of cancer

Gemma is mad at an idiot next to a trash can
who whistles loudly at women as they walk by
scaring them

—Jonathan, it's that really bad magician from SoHo—
The bad magician is talking to the whistling idiot
Halcyon existence

Bad magician tries to impress two smokers
Bad magician uses his electromagnetic powers
And a crowd gathers around him
He should cut off his Jeri Curl mullet pony tail

Movies are expensive
Cheap movies are hard to find
On Tuesday night, hop on the 7 train and go to Queens

There you find first-run movies for a mere $3.50
We missed Anchorman
Gemma reluctantly says —yes— to Spiderman 2
Kirsten Dunst has a big forehead

The experience is worth the long trek
First get an introduction to the immaculate restroom
As you step on the squishy, moist door carpet
Humid stench emanates
And then the huge screen, THE HUGE SCREEN!

An Asian drag queen with a bad blonde dye job greets us at the door

Spiderman commences
I see the Gray Line bus is behind Joe's Pizza
Spiderman got fired

Then a bitch answers her cell phone
—HELLO?!? The movie—
Bitch still on the phone
—You talkin' to me?—
—SHHA! SH! Yes you stupid BITCH—
—You mu-fuckah—

People laugh
Jonathan gets mad at me during the "gist" of the movie

After the movie, we pet a Dachshund
We talk about rotting dog teeth, infections, and wet Science Diet

The bitch mumbles as she passes
I ignore her
—You better ignore me stupid ass—
As her ass flaps in the wind
Along with her unsubstantial comebacks

We get on the train platform and two members of said bitch's entourage walk up the stairs
Fear tingles temporarily,
Then confidence at the fact that my insanity will protect me

We reminisce about the night,
The pizza, the ice cream, the drag queen, and the bitch

Hoobastinks sings a song in my head
Hoobastinks: The Reason


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